Is respect earned? Is dignity lost?

In a conventional childhood, youngsters are constantly advised, guided, mostly instructed and at times ordered by the elders to follow certain principles and rules in life. The child sees a clueless mentor and learns to follow. The young adult starts to question and is shot down most of the times. This grown up adult turns into a frustrated person clueless of the origin and consequences of their own actions and importantly, pass on the same clueless life to their children.

Switch to a different scenario. A youngster is constantly advised, guided and instructed at the right times by the elders to understand the principles and rules in life. The child sees a conscious mentor and learns decision making. The young adult starts to question and is told the answer. This grown up adult turns into a self conscious person, knowing the effects and consequences of their decisions and importantly, pass on the values of a sharp mind and a strong will to grow to their children.

Obviously the second scenario sounds Utopian, but isn’t impossible. This is the wonderful childhood I have had from my parents and the enlightened life I am having as an adult. This isn’t to say that the conventional way of raising children doesn’t work. It does, but only to those children who grow out of their shell by their individual brilliance. That forms only a small fraction of people. What about the others? Do they “earn their respect” and “not lose their dignity” in society? Well, that is exactly what they are modeled to go after.

People in their right minds do realize that you never, I repeat, never earn respect, and also never in the first place lose their dignity. Respect is inbuilt in every individual and it is in your hands not to lose it. On the other hand, dignity is to be earned in a community. Keeping these dicta in mind, look at the two scenarios again. In the first scenario, you simply killed the child’s self respect and never let its dignity grow. You shot down every attempt of validation by the child and shattered its pride internally by not letting moral growth happen. Whereas, in the second scenario, by letting the child question every action, you give due importance to their moral growth and let their dignity grow. And by giving them answers, you respect their individual right to knowledge.

As idealistic as it sounds, the path is difficult. The child doesn’t always ask, you do not know all the answers, deviation and distractions are part of life, and the society finds every opportunity to question your chosen path. By choosing this path of life, you choose hard work, struggles, and a constant need for motivation. However, at the same time, you also choose clarity of thought, a knowledgeable and conscious mind, and a constant source of motivation in the commitment to remain on this path.

Another extremely crucial mistake that some people make is ridicule the young people. There is a very fine line between humor and insult. It doesn’t take much background to taunt youngsters, say based on an embarrassing habit they had when they were young. Recounting incidents and talking about it counts as humor, but trying to pull them into a spot based on events of the past is insult. Some people know well enough to fend themselves against it and turn the insult into humor and move on. But there are youngsters who aren’t as strong and keep falling into the trap, not knowing how to make these comments stop. Such people go on to become increasingly insecure of their own selves and subsequently unable to grow out of the vicious cycle of self loathing.

On this note, I will urge all parents, mentors and elders to look at their children and youngsters as individuals having their own minds and thought process. As children, train them not to follow a particular life but give them the treasure of your own experiences and let them learn from them. I will also urge the children and youngsters at this point, to hear out your parents, mentors and elders, take a page out of their experiences and make sure to follow the right precedent that agrees with your conscience.

Keep yourself updated and aware. Rethink, if you made the right choice for yourself and your children. If not, act now before it’s too late to mend!

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